Just to let ya in on a little something…

If you have read anything of mine since yesterday, you know that I started writing again (on paper) because of inspiration. If you are a friend of mine on Facebook or Twitter, you know that I don’t have issues posting status updates there, but that is because they are just general nonsense like everyone else posts. I realize that re-posting of some pics or sayings or whatever-have-ya-not gets a little annoying, but they obviously tickled my fancy, so whatever..I really don’t care if ya don’t like it. It’s not that hard to scroll past mine like you do everyone elses! This blog was started so that I could share feelings, opinions, and stories about what goes on in my daily life..this is a BIG leap for me. Here’s why…

I am not really what you would call an open and trusting person. I used to be. I got burned a few too many times for being the nice guy, so I decided keeping to myself was a better option. I’m sure plenty of people can relate. Putting myself and my words out here into cyberspace is a big deal for me because I have never really had much of a self-esteem. Even after all the words of encouragement to do this, I really didn’t know if it was a good idea. Low self-esteem and rejection don’t mix well. Putting myself out here in cyberspace is permanent. Anyone can see this. This scares the shit out of me because I am no longer limiting myself to my little social circle that I feel comfortable with. These posts are thoughts directly from my head and what is funny about this, is that the people who read my blog are going to end up knowing me better than the people that know me on the other side of this keyboard. Why? Because you are taking the time! I have heard a lot in my time “oh, I never knew that about you!” Well, really? Huh..ya didn’t really take a minute to give two shits, so I’m sorry if I felt it wasn’t necessary to inform you! I am not going to waste my breath on people who aren’t going to stick around…It only took me 31 years to get that figured out!

Anyway, the point of this is that my self-confidence has boosted since I started this. I never thought that I would start a blog, have 149 people view it in one day, most of them I don’t know, people from other countries (yes, this seriously blew my mind!), likes, comments and referrals from people I don’t know, and have one of my favorite authors comment and follow me. It is a little overwhelming and a whole lotta exciting! Even on days that I haven’t posted anything, people have looked! This, I think is so cool and I want to thank all of you who have read, liked, and/or followed, because this is helping me feel better about myself a little at a time. It is encouraging me to keep moving forward with this and makes it a little less scary for me!


Funny Thing Happened On The Blog Front Today…

So, earlier today, I decide to swan dive into the topic of how I got back into reading, like I have no life, and the inspiration behind my writing. Well..huh..Captian “Lots-a-words” over here is, almost, speechless and she is waaayyy past the point of tears! Umm..Yes, Mrs. Hoover…YOU MADE ME CRY!!! AND, not just cry, but sobbing, hiccups, snot and incoherent sentences cry! My family thinks that I have dove off the deep end and I am bawling because I, finally, (after it taking me all day to get the balls to tell the lady that she got tagged in my blog today, since I really don’t know the rules of this shit and since she is “the shit”, I didn’t know if I could really do such a thing : /) I sent her an email..GLUP!

I was not expecting any kind of prompt response, not that she doesn’t get back to her fans (or by now she probably thinks I am some psycho stalker) but, I was kinda thinkin more along the lines of – maybe I crossed a line? NO! This freakin fantastical woman made my life…minus three points (sorry, with all due respect, my children and my husband really should come first!) Anyway, not only did she comment on MY post, she linked ME to HER blog, she is following MY blog, and…and..and..SHE is following ME!!!!! Colleen Hoover, who has exceeded “Super Hero Worship Status” in my book, is a fan of ME! GAH.. I don’t have enough adjectives (not even made up adjectives) to describe how EFFFING excited I am right now!

Because my mind is a “Butterflying” (her word, not mine) haze right now, all I can come up with is the extremely over used term, EPIC!! This day is EPIC, covered in amaze and awesome sauce and not to mention amaze-balls!!!! (follow her..you’ll get it!)


Confessions of an Obsession…

A few things about me that nobody really knew, until recently are, that I used to read all the time and I used to write, A LOT, when I was younger.  Both stem from my love of words. I love the feeling that I get when I put my words on paper.  I have always been a person, who is easier expressed through written words, meaning something I have wrote down or something I have found in a song. When I can’t read or write, I can listen to music and connect on that level.  I have a hard time talking out things that bother me, but if I can get a pen and paper in front of me, I can let it all out. It stays hidden for the most part, because I don’t want everyone to know whats on my mind all the time. Some geeks have numbers that occupy their head..well, this geek has words..lots of them..all the time. So, here is an explanation about how I dove back into reading and, more recently, writing.

About four years ago, I was talked into watching Twilight.(Twilight haters: please continue. This is not exactly what you think!) I was not a fan of anything pertaining to vampires or werewolves, so this was a stretch. I don’t really care to sit down and watch movies, anyway, because most of the time I can’t sit still long enough and I can’t concentrate on it if the kids are watching it, too. I watched the movie and, honestly, I wasn’t hugely impressed, but I was told “the books are so much better, you really need to read them”. UGH, ok, the only thing that I had read in years were cookbooks, which is another obsession, and magazines.  You can put these things down and tend to your kids and it won’t be frustrating! After quite a bit of “talking” me into it, I decided to give them a whirl. If I don’t like them, I can stop reading them…Right? I wasn’t into book one very long, when I realized that I could potentially have a problem! When I was younger and I would read, it was no big deal if I read all day until I was done with the book. (This is what I refer to as the “Grandma Dawn” gene, because that woman can read a novel in the middle of an apocalypse and not be phased!) The “problems” that I felt coming on were, I was already putting myself in the book. Not meaning that I was seeing myself as a character, but I was “in to it”.. it was going to be hard to put down. I was loving the story line…I wasn’t focused on the fact that I was reading about vamps  and wolves, I was reading a book about an awkward girl, in a new place, that has some kind of unexplainable draw to a handsome boy. The “problem”, again, was that I was going to have a major issue with putting the book down..my whole “one track mind” took over and I needed to know what happened next. I ended up reading all four of books in the series in a week and a half…the first time.

Reading, in general, has kind of become my obsession. It turns off my thoughts, I can relax and drift off into another place for a little bit. I have “liked” quite a few book review pages on Facebook.  Some of them get books that are going to be released in, Advance Reader Copies, and post their reviews and they also find Kindle Freebies to post.  On several of these pages I had been reading a lot about a new author, named Colleen Hoover, and her books “SLAMMED” and “Point of Retreat”. These books are considered “Young Adult-(YA)”. YA does not necessarily mean teenager reading levels. I happen to like a lot of books in the YA genre and I have found that I am not the only 30-ish, mom and housewife that likes them! Moving on… I went ahead and downloaded “SLAMMED” and was immediately drawn in. There is something to be said about any author who can have you completely captivated with their words, within the first chapter.  I felt such a strong emotional connection to these characters. In the past four years, there have only been 3 other authors who have been able to make me laugh out loud in one sentence and have me crying in the next. I flew through the first book and wasted no time downloading “Point of Retreat”.  I knew when I was almost done with “PoR” that I was going to be contacting this lady…these books were, absolutely, something else and I felt the need to let her know just how much these books touched me and made me think!

To clarify, quickly, the title,”SLAMMED”, is referring to “Slam” poetry, among other things. Until this series, I knew nothing about it. I will tell you though, that I would LOVE to actually witness it! During these books, the lead male character, writes and performs “slams” and he journals. (If guys are reading this..shut up, it is not a girly thing to do! You would have to read the books to understand why he journals and I really think anyone would be inspired by a good “slam”!) What I realized while reading, was that journaling and poetry are two things that I used to do that made me feel better and I think that is why I felt a strong connection to him… because I know what a release it can be. The only difference is that people are actually hearing his poetry…that is something that no one will ever get out of me! They are mine!

Holy sidetrack..moving on, again…I went ahead and privately messaged Mrs. Hoover.  I know that she has to have fan mail flying in from all over and that she probably doesn’t have all the time in the world to sit and read it all. I felt better knowing that I sent her a note letting her know that her words unlocked something in me and I wanted to thank her for that. Hearing back from her was not an expectation, especially after reading the Bio on her blog ( that I signed up for updates for immediately!) that stated she has three young boys and, at the time, a full time job! I was amazed, really..I’m positive I have some kind of “hero worship” thing going on for her! lol…All of my e-mails get sent to my phone and I don’t check them as they come in. That day, I wish I would have! SHE WROTE BACK!!! AND, it wasn’t just some generic “thank you, now bug off”..It was a  genuine thank you and she encouraged me to journal and write again. We messaged back and forth a few times and it was so neat to be able to talk to someone that is famous on her level, but so down to earth and actually a lot like me, personality wise! When I got an e-mail update for her blog, which stated that she had signed up to give out Kindlegraphs..I was on it! Guess what? I was her first one! That was the icing on the cake to my whole “I love what Colleen Hoover’s words have done to my mind” thing!

Because of how I guard myself, I don’t think that there will ever be anyone that really understands my reading obsession and what it does for me. I know that it drives my family nuts that I always have my face glued to my Kindle, but there are worse things I could be doing I suppose! I get more out of these words than any one could ever imagine…it is truly something of happiness for me!

P.S. Look up Colleen Hoover here on word press..there is a video of a guy reciting one of the “slams” that Will, main male role, does in the book! It is AWESOME! (The female leads name is Layken aka “Lake”..there is correlation.)

A Really “Shitty” Proposal…

For reasons unknown to me, my husband seems to cringe just a little when I mention my blog.  I’m not sure what he thinks is going to happen on here, if I’m going to rant on about things he does to get on my nerves, or what, but that just isn’t the intention of my space.  Entries are most likely going to include my husband and my children, because they are my everyday life…naturally they are always on my mind.  With that being said, I would like to let my husband know (since he claims he doesn’t read this and I know for a fact he does, since he outed himself on that one : )) that if I am going to complain about you, I’m gonna do it to your face, my dear! You should know that by now! Haha..I love you.

So begins the story of how we got to were we are…the shortened version.

Never, in a million years, did I think that I would fall in love and marry that boy I’ve known since third grade.  It’s funny to think about this now, because our youngest daughter just passed third grade and is identical to him when he was that age…well, with a little more hair of course!  With our last names starting with the same letter, from third grade on, we were always seated next to each other in classes that we had together and our lockers were always right next to each other.  Looking back now, we always had some sort of daily interaction, whether it meant anything or not.

Being the shy and quiet type..yes, believe it or not, I was a shy and quiet kid..I never really had too much to say to him, besides the random pleasantries in class or at our lockers.  We had different groups of friends, so it wasn’t like we hung out either, and I wasn’t the type to go up and start a random conversation back then.  I wasn’t going to read more into a smile or a wave in the hallways and then get laughed at!  So, needless to say, we never dated in school.

Anyway, after we graduated, my mom had told me on numerous occasions, that she had seen him at the grocery store and he always asked how I was doing, what I was up to, and to say “hi” to me.  I just kinda let it go..told her that that was nice of him and to tell him I said “hi” the next time she seen him.  No biggie, he was a nice guy!  On my birthday, in 1999, I had been having sort a rough patch and my brother and I and a friend of ours went out.  It wasn’t really all that common for me to hang out with my brother, but soon we would apparently be sharing some more mutual friends. We went shopping and on our way back into town, we stopped by the farm at which this guy and the friend who was with us’, dad worked. (<- if that is proper grammar?!)  This would turn out to be a great place to go if you were into “minor-drinking-yourself-into-an-oblivion” on a regular basis!  While he and our friends dad were milking the cows, the three of us sat and chatted in the “office” a.k.a. an extremely filthy room with a desk, love seat, the magic fridge full of beer, cow anti-biotics, and other questionable cow related substances! OH…and we can’t leave out the life size cardboard cut out of Dale Sr! That would be a crime!  I have to admit that I felt a little weird being there since 1.) I didn’t really drink and this is apparently what we were there for..2.) It reeked of cow shit and sour milk – me the lactose intolerant one is not fond of any dairy smells or the overwhelming scent of feces, but you get used to that where we live ..3.) I am the only female present, which I normally don’t have a problem with, besides the four legged ladies in the other room with machines hooked to their udders..and 4.) This guy is spending more time in the office, grabbing/slamming beers and staring at me, rather than playing with cow nipples like he should be!  Not used to being checked out like that, I was a little intimidated!  By the time we were getting ready to head out, I figured he must be pretty hammered, because he asked if he could take me out on Thursday night (in two days).  Knowing enough about him to know that he wasn’t some serial ax murderer, and my dad knew his dad-I think I forgot to mention that they worked at the same place, I agreed.  Words from my brothers mouth that night were “You break Bubba’s heart, I’ll kick your ass.”  No pressure, right?!

First date..October 28, 1999. Yes, I actually remember a lot of dates, especially specific, significant ones.  We went to the Outback.  I found that he was pretty cool, easy to talk to, we had quite a bit in common and he was obviously hungry…I’m pretty positive that until that day I had never seen someone take down a steak like that! (conquering a pot roast sized steak in record time has not changed!)  We caught up on what we had been doing since high school and he took me home.  Best part of the night?  He didn’t make any moves on me! Yes, he was a true gentleman…that night!  We started seeing more of each other in the next few weeks and I was really starting to have some feelings for him.  All seemed kind of quick, but it really did seem like we had known each other forever and we got along well.

December of that year we found our first apartment.  This would be the first time either one of us has been out “on our own”.  First apartments turn into party central and the cops being called quite often…Whether it’s because your neighbor has to be up early and we are playing darts and keeping him awake, or the fact that the farm truck, “Old Blue”, did not have a muffler, it sat idling in the driveway at a little before four every morning and the driver has a lead foot! I was not really aware of these unspoken rules at the time, but I wasn’t opposed to them either!  Miraculously enough, we were both able to make it to work on time everyday and pay bills…I finally felt like an adult!  January of 2000, rolls around and I’m at home waiting for him to get off work.  This is could be anytime late evening, depending on the stock in the parlors magic fridge. This specific date I don’t remember, but I know it was somewhere around the second week in January.  He is home a little earlier than I thought he would be and one of his friends is there from out of town waiting for him, too.  Mind you, he never smells nice when he comes home from the farm.  He comes in the door from the garage to the kitchen and asks me to come there.  We haven’t been together too long, but long enough for me to give him some crap and tell him “no”!  He gets a serious look on his face and asks again, so I go over.  Crossing my arms over my chest and asking what the hell his deal is, he’s dropping to his knees in the middle of the doorway.  He has a bad knee, this is cement, and he’s slightly wobbly already…I ask “what in the hell are you doing?”  Not expecting the next 10 minutes, at all!  Still in his cow shit covered coveralls and boots, he pops up on one knee and takes out a box.  He starts in on how much he loves me and blah, blah, blah (due to the blood rushing in my ears, I don’t remember very much of the actual conversation-lol) he opens the box and asks me to marry him! WHAT?! Yep, my jaw falls right to where his knee is, I have insta-tears, I hug him, grab the box, run upstairs, call my mom, run back down the stairs and leave…with out a coherent sentence and with out an answer!  Upon returning from my parents, he asks if I have an answer, and I said “I thought that was pretty obvious!”  I guess maybe the theatrics of the situation may have confused the guy a little!

There is the story of The “Shitty” Proposal, for those of you who never knew! It’s not that he wasn’t sweet about it, I just call it that since he was literally covered in cow shit!  Five minutes to remove the articles of clothing were not to be wasted!  Things didn’t necessarily work out exactly as we had planned, but everything happens for a reason and we are still together, 12 years and two kids later!  I wouldn’t change a thing.  I am still very much in love with my Bubba…even if he does purposely get on my nerves…and still comes home smelling like sour milk! : )

The Notorious Mr. Weenie…

Here is the story of how Otto came to be a fixture in our home. I say fixture, since I think he has over stayed his welcome and needs to head on out…the children disagree. I do have to take some blame for getting him here, since I made the initial suggestion..believe me, I’m kicking my self in the ass, repeatedly, for this slight in judgement.

For many years, my husband had told me that he wanted a wiener dog. His grandparents had them when he was growing up and thought it would be fun to have one. (Having this one is not fun, by the way) So, last February, around my lovely husbands birthday, I just happened to be glancing through the classifieds and came across an ad for Miniature Dachshunds. (The fact that I’m actually reading the classifieds is strange, in and of itself, since we don’t normally have the newspaper!) The ad said he was a “pure bred, first shots, wormers, $150”. I thought this was a reasonable price, considering there were others more expensive. This should have been my initial red flag, but nope, I tell the hubby about it and he said he didn’t know if it was a good idea. I said “well, he’s cheap, and you’ve always wanted one and he could be your birthday present!” He told me to call and talk to the lady that had him and she informed me that she was a breeder, he was 10 weeks old, all black, with a little tan on his face and paws, he was the last one and a little bit bigger than the others had been, so that’s why she had lowered the price. After much deliberation, the girls catching wind of the conversation, and some begging on their part, he decides, ok, we can get this puppy. Sight unseen, this German critter already had been graced with the German name, Otto. Here’s where the rest of the flags should have been thrown…

It turns out that the woman lived in Darlington, WI. Upon writing down directions to her home, my husband and his buddy, take off on a road trip set to retrieve the dog. Mind you, they take nothing to contain the dog in, thinking that he could just chill out on someone’s lap or in the back seat on the way home. How much trouble could a 10 week old puppy be in a car anyway, right? Riiight. After, getting lost on the way there, because it turns out that the woman lives in what would be considered BFE, they arrive. Flag # 2 should have been screaming at this point because from what they said, besides the fact that there were many animals roaming around the property, the house looked uninhabitable…and that was just the outside. There were boarded up windows, holes in the porch, miscellaneous things piled everywhere, and some talk of chicken wire somewhere it shouldn’t have been..again, this not even into the house yet. They get out and go to the door, only to be greeted by the old woman, around 15 other dachshunds barreling out the door, the overwhelming stench of urine and dog crap, and from what was described, nothing short of a disturbing episode of Hoarders. Umm..Red flag #3, much?! She invites them in, tells my husband some particulars about the dog, some other ramblings..including the fact that her furnace isn’t working (keep this in mind), and tells him that this 10 week old puppy is a fan of farm fresh scrambled eggs for breakfast. Yes, this means that this woman got up every morning, scrambled a couple dozen eggs, then set them on the floor and let the mass amount of four legged wieners fight to the finish for their fair share of the feast. She then sends him on his way with a dozen eggs ‘fresh from her, obviously, free range chickens” and a ziplock bag of puppy food in exchange for her $150. Back to the car…

Conversation on the way home was, obviously, interesting to say the least! I wasn’t with them, but I heard the re-caps plenty of times to know! Once they get back on the road, little Otto is shaking. This is seemingly normal, since this poor little dog was living in some questionable conditions, he’s now in a moving vehicle, and he has no idea who these two guys are. I’ve received a few picture messages by this point, letting me know they are on their way home, showing me what he looks like and just how stinkin cute he is. (The opinion that he is cute has not changed..it’s really the only thing he has going for him) Here starts the fun! While letting my husband know a thing or two about the dog, the fine old lady never mentioned an anxiety issue. By anxiety issue, I mean this dog is panting, whining and drooling all over! They decide to sit him in the back seat, so maybe he will just lay down and possibly sleep? Oh, no…in starts the after effects of little Otto’s breakfast of eggs. He has gas. Remember, it is February..not exactly roll down the windows and enjoy fresh air kind of weather! Regardless, the odor emanating from this 8 pound animal is enough to get the boys gagging and rolling down the windows. Only, it isn’t just gas. The anxiety attack that the dog is having, has him pacing the back seat, shaking, drooling and foaming, has surpassed gas by way of diarrhea and they are only half way home. This is the part where I wish I was a fly on the windshield! The vehicle smells so bad, that it has both guys hanging their heads out the windows, coughing and gagging. Coughing and gagging then turns to vomiting, which has them pulling over to try to rectify the situation. See..Red flags everywhere! It turns out that, he crapped on the bag of food and all over the carton of eggs, so that was easy enough to get rid of..but, what was on the seat, they couldn’t get off because they had nothing to wipe it up with. Strange, since they had my vehicle and I usually keep napkins handy for the kids. Back on the road, dealing with the left over stench and the dogs continuing freak out session, he loses it a couple more times, and they make it back to town in one piece…all three of them missing their breakfast, though.

The girls and I return from the baby shower we were attending and they are instantly in love with this little guy with long floppy ears and big, brown, puppy dog eyes. They boys relay the days events, saying that the conditions at that house were so extreme that they actually discussed calling her in. They decided against it, since it seemed like the animals were what kept her going and they didn’t really want to interfere with that. I’m sure if there were children involved, it would have been a different story. I realize that she didn’t give my husband his papers or his tag, so I decide I will call her the next day to see if she could mail it. Otto seems to have calmed down, considerably, now that he is no longer in the car and everything seems to be going smoothly between him and the girls and our other dog Dexter. I’m not gonna say that Dex wasn’t slightly put off by us bringing a new dog home, but he is pretty laid back. End of the night is near and we get the cage ready for Otto, since he is new here and we weren’t giving him free reign of the house. We get him in the cage, the girls go up to bed, we go in our room, and so begins the howling and whining! By howling, I’m telling you it sounds like someone is inflicting serious injury upon this dog! We figure this is because it’s a new environment and he will calm down after he realizes that everyone is quiet. WRONG! He continued all. night. long. The girls came down several times to ask if we could make him be quiet so they could sleep and we told them that he just had to get used to being here. We ended up moving his cage into our laundry room so we could shut the door and try to make the best out of what was going to be a rough night of sleep. The next morning, we go to get him out of the cage and realize that the anxiety issue is not only a “car ride” thing. He has completely defiled his cage. Ok..this is fun! We get him outside, get the cage out, clean him and the cage up and again, he seems fine. While cleaning him up, though, we notice he has a bump on his side. Almost like his rib was sticking out..I make note to ask about this when I call the previous owner in a little bit. I call, ask about the paperwork, mention the fact that he didn’t do too well his first night here in the cage and ask about his side. The woman acted as though I were some barbaric being for putting him in a cage all night and informed me that all of the “puppies” slept in bed with her on a heated mattress pad since her furnace was out. WHAT? 15 freakin dogs in a bed with you? Uhh..negative! Then I bring up the issue of his rib. She says that since the puppies are so little when they are born, the mother often steps on them and they can suffer broken ribs. Umm..ok..and you wouldn’t have thought to have this looked at by the vet when he was there? Anyway, I’m slightly blown away by the confessions of the “crazy weenie lady” and I give her our address to send the info. (BTW, there was nothing to do for the rib, when I took him to the vet. It just healed funny and I’m not entirely convinced that his head wasn’t stepped on a time or two and his brain didn’t heal funny.)

Fast forwarding…the cage situation never got better. He would bark, howl and whine himself into a frenzy anytime he was put in there. We decided to start leaving him out at night and only putting him in the cage when we were going to be gone. Leaving him out of his cage at night wasn’t too bad at first. We expected a few landmines here and there and that is exactly what we got. Even if you let him out right before bed time, we can still expect a fresh pile somewhere in the house. Rubbing his nose in his accidents and/or swatting his back side, have done nothing to cure this issue. We can let him out, watch him go, only for him to come in the house and poop next to the door in the living room within ten minutes. Caging him when we leave is no longer an option, due to the fact that he was some how able to manage to chew through one of the metal slats across the back. Yes, he still has all of his teeth..I checked. I had come home numerous times to things being pulled into his cage and shredded! While in the laundry room he somehow, through the side of the cage, got the laundry basket that was next to it, chewed through the plastic side of the basket and pulled most of the clothes through, into the cage and proceeded to pee on them. Thank you for that, Otto, I LOVE LAUNDRY! The last straw with the cage was when broke the plastic piece that slid through the bottom and was able to walk the cage around the house. (Never actually witnessed this taking place, but I did see him trying to poke his head through the back where he had chewed through and with that, I figured out how he was moving it.) He walked it into our bedroom, pulled a comforter off of the bed, pulled it through and chewed it up…stuffing everywhere. He has to be tied up when we let him out and he has cost us countless dollars in collars, tie outs, and a harness, because he breaks them and proceeds run like a raped ape through the neighborhood. Good luck trying to catch him. He is fast and he thinks it’s a game. Countless dollars have also been wasted on shoes, bras, and mini-blinds. He will tear up a flip flop in record time, chew a bra in half, and eat the mini-blinds right off the window, if we are not courteous enough to have opened them enough so he can look out the window and bark at the wind. He, also, likes to nibble on small people and bite my husband and draw blood.

Since this is mainly posted on Facebook and Twitter, you all have heard the stories of my daily dealings with Otto, aka The Notorious Mr. Weenie, aka Hou-Weenie, so I thought I would give you the back story! We can all concur that I am not a fan and I wouldn’t be the least bit heartbroken if he choked on a flip flop or didn’t make it back after one of his leash escapes! Through reading this and realizing the environment that he came from, you should be able to see why we think it wasn’t just a stomp to the noggin that set him on this track to idiocy…we are pretty sure that his parents shared the same DNA!  I am long passed convinced that this is a puppy stage and things will get better. So, as long as he is around, I’m sure there will be more to read about his struggles to stay alive!

Kids These Days…

Today’s installment is brought to you, courtesy of the irritated aura that has been surrounding me for the past two and a half weeks. What happened two and a half weeks ago, that has me so irritated, you ask? School let out for summer! This has resulted in quite the fiasco at my house…well, for me anyway. When I get set in a routine, it kinda knocks things off kilter when the routine changes. Things that throw me for said loop include, my husbands ever changing work schedule and my children’s school attendance! I can handle one at a time, just not both at the same time! Usually, after a few weeks, I start to settle into the new routine..this summer is proving to be challenging, thus far.

I told the girls before school got out that they were going to be helping out around the house this summer. I have had them do a few things here and there, all with complaint, because “their friends don’t have to do house work.”( I call bull shit on that one, but what do I know?)  I decided that I was going to start a list of things they need to do before they can go out and play. So, last night at dinner, my husband commented on the fact that he had been upstairs to the girls’ room and that it was pretty gross. I figure now would be a good time to let them know that I haven’t really appreciated their behavior, that they really needed to find their manners, and have some responsibilities. The oldest’s cell phone is freaking out, after I had told her, more than once mind you to put it on silent, and she is having an all out meltdown because she was told “no” to having a sleep over with her friend! I’m talking shoulder heaving, crocodile tears, snotty nose, type meltdown.. . How dare we be so mean, right? So, after having quite enough of her for the day, considering she started an all out texting war with me earlier in the day for not getting her way and now she’s crying a river on to the kitchen table, due to not getting her way again, I tell them that after dinner they need to go up and start cleaning upstairs. This results in more tears because I, also, inform them that there will be no phone, no computer, no tv, and no playing, until the upstairs is spotless and the list of other things I have compiled in my head is complete. I know, real slave driver, right? I also, let them know that the list of tasks to complete will take up most of today, so beware, and that if we worked together these things wouldn’t take as long and it wouldn’t be so hard.

Now, on more than one occasion I have asked them to do the dishes. The oldest has a gag reflex like nothing I have ever seen and she is hugging the toilet before she even puts a finger in the water most of the time..the youngest ones endeavors in dish washing, are most likely to cause bodily injury, because there is more water on the floor than there is in the sink. After dinner, when they are supposed to be headed on upstairs, the oldest grabs the sponge, douses it with nearly a quarter of the bottle of dish soap (I shit you not, it was unreal) and starts scrubbing a bowl…no water necessary, apparently. Puzzled, I ask what she is doing and she claims that she is going to do the dishes. I calmly let her know that I will be doing them tonight and that she is supposed to be upstairs. I am sure by now, that you have all gathered where my children are supposed to be after dinner, and considering the fact I haven’t mentioned it nearly as many times here as I had last night, my intelligent little ones were still confused. At this point, I am seriously thinking I need to take up pencil and paper and draw a map. Head up they do, only to come down a few minutes later to throw a few things away and wander around. I plant the seed in their heads that it would probably be a great idea to grab the cleaning supplies on their way back up. It seems that mom has had a stroke of brilliance with this little tid bit and they return to cleaning. The upstairs isn’t that big so this shouldn’t take too long, so I’m not surprised when they come back down. The oldest then tells me she is so sorry about how she was acting and that she plans to stay up all night, if that is what it takes to clean the whole house. I can only laugh at the sight of her jaw dropping when I tell her that, this is more than a one day thing and that even if she did stay up and I could ice skate across the laminate floor, she would still not have her phone back until I was ready to give it back! (By the way, 11 year olds text some really stupid shit! I seriously felt a tinge of embarrassment while reading her messages!) Needless to say she’s pretty good and pissed at this point. I am putting toilet bowl cleaner in the toilet and I will be God damned, if the two of them did not start fighting with me about who was going to clean the toilet! I did mention that the oldest has a gag reflex and throws up almost daily, right? Anywho, I go ahead and let the oldest take the wand and scrub on, only to be surprised by the fact that she comes out to the kitchen when she is done and gets the Lysol cleaner to do the rest of the bathroom! WHAT!! Let me get this straight…she can’t touch the dishes without throwing up, but she is willingly scrubbing the shitter! YEP! I put the youngest on laundry duty and had her change her clothes, while trying to figure out the imposter in the bathroom. The youngest has a bad habit of dropping her clothes where ever she feels like it and then they never make it to the laundry. And, when I say “drops her clothes where ever she feels like it” I also mean, when ever! My youngest is not the least bit shy about running around in her underwear at any given time. I do believe she gets this from her father, as I have seen many underwear only pics of him as a wee one! I prefer to keep as much clothing on as possible! So, after the train wreck that is our evening closes, they go to bed with the instructions to bring their sheets and blankets down in the morning and all seems well.

Guess what I wake up to? A pissed off pre-teen, in my face because she didn’t have her phone this morning to check the time and she was really bored. She was “so mad” that she admitted to entertaining the idea to hide my phone, because it was so unfair that she couldn’t have hers. I explain to her that if she would start in on the stuff that she is supposed to be doing today, she wouldn’t be bored and she would be all that much closer to getting her phone back. This does nothing to appease the situation. So, starts the discussion with her about her attitude problem and the fact that she really doesn’t deserve to have a cell phone since she doesn’t want to help out around the house. You would think that after being warned about her eye-rolling, facial expressions, huffing and snotty tone of voice on a regular basis, that today of all days when I have said phone in my possession, she would at least try to bull shit the bull shitter! Nope! This child is full of so many excuses as to why she shouldn’t have to have responsibilities around the house. My daughter would make one hell of a lawyer, one day. New piss poor attitude rule is, simply, the number FIVE. I’m not really sure where I pulled it out of my ass in the middle of my own defense, but at anytime I feel that she is taking her cell phone freedom a little too far and doesn’t have her inner 30 year old in check, all I have to say is FIVE, and I take the phone for five minutes. Yeah, I know that fives minutes may not seem like a long time, but to this child it’s an eternity! Really!  At the end of those five minutes, if she still hasn’t shaped up, I get to keep it for another five. It already seems slightly effective, since, after finally getting after them for most of the day, the constant reminders that I really didn’t care if it took them a whole other day to get this done they still weren’t “un-grounded”, they actually got it all done, privileges were reinstated, she had been with out the damn thing for almost a whole 24 hours.  Holy freakin shit..it’s a miracle! Sadly, I think all of the lessons taken away from this little punishment, I was the one that learned the most!

This is what I learned. Grounding your children is more of a punishment for you than it is for them. Not much is different, besides the fact they have limited access to things in the house and they are supposed to be doing chores. They complain more, if that was even with in the realm of possibilities! This grounding business should come with a “hazardous to health” warning that reads.. Will likely result in one or more of the following: headaches, no doubt due to high blood pressure readings that can only be assumed near deadly, causing impaired vision, ringing of the ears, and quite possibly “the big one”.  Pimples, yes zits, on the face because of how many times you will have had your head in your hands shaking your head at the load of horse shit your oldest was trying to sell to get herself out of her situation. Bald spots..from intense scratching of the head, trying to figure out what in the hell is so hard about following directions and why you have to repeat said instructions numerous times for the youngest one. Bouts of near asphyxiation for the “grounder” from holding ones breath so they don’t spout of random strings of explitives to the “groundee(s)” that would result in the neighbors in a 3 block radius calling the police/DCFS/ a number of different organizations that you don’t have time for at the moment. Tongue lacerations from biting your tongue ,while holding your breath, to keep from passing out. Unexplained shopping trip to the hardware store for duct tape, rope, heavy link chain (depending on the severity of the situation), dead bolts and ant killer. (What? I have ants!) and Exhaustion..need not be explained, please refer to above mentioned statement.

Honestly, you all know that I would never harm a hair on either of my children’s heads, but I swear, I don’t think I have ever had more patience wearing days…EVER! I love them to pieces and I know they are intelligent little girls, but sometimes I have to wonder what is going on in their heads! So, stand by, if you wish, because I’m sure there will be more to come on this topic of conversation!

P.S. Any and all comments welcome to assure my sanity that I am not the only one! : )

Here Goes Nothin…

So, after words of encouragement and what not, I’ve decided to go ahead with this blog thing.  Some folks, apparently, find my daily encounters humorous, so I will share those and most likely other random outlooks and opinoins. I’m not 100% positive what the hell it is I’m doing, but I’m sure I will figure it out along the way.

I guess I will start out with a little “About Me Disclaimer”. I use the word “disclaimer”, meaning, it’s a forewarning of things to come. I don’t sugar coat things. If you are looking to read a blog, from my point of view, it isn’t going to be painted up with unicorns, glitter and rainbows..you have landed yourself in the wrong spot for all that nonsense! I’m not formal. I tend to get a little long winded when I write. I make up my own words quite often and use them frequently. I don’t usually intend to be rude, but I’ve been told that if you don’t know me, I can come across that way. (Oops..my bad, if I’ve offended you at some point when I haven’t meant to..I’m pretty positive you would know if I had meant it personally! ; )) If you know me and/or anyone in my family, you know I come by sarcasm quite honestly. If ya dish it out, ya better be able to take it right back! I usually have no problem with speaking my mind, as some of you who follow me on Facebook or Twitter, have probably guessed (I’m a little more open on Twitter, @liss1026, since I have less followers that I know and I can say just about anything without a comment from someone wondering “what’s that supposed to mean?”). I will bite my tongue on certain occasions, but this usually leads to spontaneous combustion at a later date!

With all that in mind, I hope that whoever decides to follow along here, enjoys the craziness that is me! I am not opposed to comments, requests, or constructive criticism. If you have a criticism that isn’t constructive..save it! I’m not getting into petty, bullshit internet arguments. This is MY spot to post MY things..if you find it offensive at any given point, DON’T READ IT! It’s really as simple as that.